WHEN ANVIK BECKONS!

“My short stories are like soft shadows I have set out in the world, faint footprints I have left. I remember exactly where I set down each one of them, and how I felt when I did. Short stories are like guideposts to my heart”, says the renowned Japanese writer, Haruki Murakami. Well! I too have created the faint footprints I have already traversed during the upended year 2020.  I think I have exemplified Murakami’s dictum when an unanticipated novel Coronavirus created an impervious dimness. In my creative smithy, there lie the soft shadows of a zillion stories. Some stories do serve as the guideposts to my heart as well as my amygdala. Let me take you all to one such story that has literally transformed the elixir of my life to a new realm. Yearning for those bygone and brimming days makes me realize that I can very well relive those days via my world of words. The vast treasure trove of memories made me get down in front of Ezhimala, the land of Seven Hills. An array of musings straddles across the terrains of my sparkling experience.

It was in the month of March immediately after my birthday, I began sensing some visible changes in my physical and mental makeup. Moreover, the level of HCG development was explicitly marked by the color bands on the Control (C) and Test (T) regions of the kit. Without much ado, my Husband, Sujeeth, and I approached the doctor. And yeah, she has officially declared that I am pregnant and 23 of Jeeth and 23 of me are on the way. Before experiencing the sublimity of cloud nine at that moment, doctor Madam has cautioned me to be careful as there can even be the chance of miscarriage.  Her words began rankling in my recess. Albeit Jeeth is cool by nature, he became extremely concerned about my health and the one growing within me. Everything turned topsy turvy all of a sudden owing to a sudden unforeseen lockdown. We were weighing in the balance of excitement and anxiety. Our angsts were enhanced by the rapid upsurge of the coronavirus. Still, we began counting days and waiting for the ‘out for delivery date’ based on the expected delivery date appearing on the prompt scan reports.

Days and nights passed within no time. Staying indoors due to the nationwide lockdown made my days sluggish. What to do when a virus hits worse than a world war? Gone are the days of a fast-paced life. The novel form of fear in the name of novel Coronavirus has malformed our lives to a standstill. As a blessing in disguise, Jeeth was available always and in all ways for almost a month to offer all sorts of warmth and comfort when my first trimester of pregnancy going was a bit tough couched in my wearisome and wavering mind. He got a month’s leave for the first time post marriage. Food cravings and dislikes occupied my days. What to do when you can’t be there with your family to take care of you in this auspicious phase of life? What to do when you can’t satiate your urge for some newfound likes and dislike of spicy and salted food items? There is nothing better at this occasion other than your husband assuming various roles in life including a cook. Yes, Jeeth has undergone a vast change in mastering the art of cooking in a short stint. Yes, the plump version of me and the baby bump was equally enthralled by the new diet chart and the daily movie screening on our laptop. One month has gone smoothly like a wink and I became alone, all alone a wide side of my musings. Oh, no. Someone else fluttering within me marked his presence at regular intervals. Jeeth made sure that I ate breakfast regularly without skipping and before he left for the office. A long duration of silence and a room of my own had to manage myself and the baby in making till he comes back.

I began engrossing myself in the thought of unlocking creativity in the time of lockdown. Yeah, it seemed sensible to me in a zillion ways. Literature has enmeshed all sorts of pandemics by wielding a pen to the pinnacle of facts and fantasy.  I set pen to my paper and slowly and steadily aroused my creative faculties. Poetry was never my forte although I have written and published many. Now, it’s time to fall and feel for the words. A hodgepodge of thoughts and sanguine emotions recollected in tranquility became alive in the verdant of my life. I think it is the right time to dwell and dive into the depths of the imaginary landscapes. When I began to write, I sensed that the pilgrimage through the avalanche of words brings forth the noblest of all human emotions. I kept on scribbling lines unaware of the fact that I was going through the genesis of my debut anthology of poems along with the genesis of my baby. All the nascent surprises of the one within me have endowed fresh hopes and I have badly and madly fallen for someone I have never seen, someone who is going to change my status of wife to the status of the mother. I don’t know what and how to address that unfaltering love for someone I yearn for? I endeavored to unlock something in lockdown at ease. Yes, my love for my baby in the form of mighty words!

It’s time to fall and feel for the words. Burying myself into the vast ocean of worldly wisdom kindled and reinvigorated a new vigor in me. There is no lockdown for the literary world of creative thoughts and emotions soaring in the sky of fancy and fantasy. I feel it is the right time to dwell and dive into the depths of the imaginary landscapes. “Writing is like the tap I have in my bathroom in Delhi that never turns off completely,” says my best-loved author, Jaishree Misra. She resonates in my recesses with an insatiable appetite for the imaginary homelands. The exuberant jumble of words guides and girds me. They offer an extended homage to imperfection. At times, my journey to the fictionalscape is exciting; at times, it is exhausting too. The more I feel flawed, the more I am active.  Unknown and unexplored words present a dizzying but fertile abyss. When I strew the pen around me, I feel a sense of rapture, an affinity to scribble for long. My language and diction no more seemed to be an unlocked gate. The passage warmly welcomes my heart to unlock the construction of marvel with words.

After receiving the scan reports, Jeeth told me as a shocking surprise that he was dropping me at home that day and we would be going by road. Oh, I forgot to tell you that we began consulting another doctor from the second month onwards as her words helped only to enhance my worry. The second one who was so calm and composed did cheer me and I looked ahead with spectacular hopes of holding someone in my arms soon. The doctor has shown the green signal for us to travel that day itself. I don’t know whether I was happy or excited or indifferent. Neither did I expect nor did I prepare for a sudden journey. Jeeth managed to pack my stuff and we got ready for the safari. No parting is done without shedding a tear and I found hard to bid a sudden adieu to Ezhimala, the land of Seven Hills. I wonder whether I travelled ten hours by car. He has handled me with the utmost care and handed over me to the utmost caring hands.  My days were focused on food and health and sleep. Above all, for finding and selecting baby names, reading articles, and watching YouTube videos on pregnancy care.  Although the mood swings kept troubling me, the baby bump gave me all the reasons to be excited and enthusiastic. Scan days and regular checks kept on coming and going. I was elated as well as worried about the fast-approaching delivery date that kept on changing in all the scans. I was all set to see the flapping beauty although I was apprehensive of the delivery procedures.

Putting an end to all speculations, the much-awaited day to welcome the new love of my life has reached the doorsteps. Aah, it was a C- section delivery, and everything befell in a few minutes’ hurry burry. In the shades of that anaesthetic instant, I heard the doctor’s announcement, “It’s a baby boy, dear”. In that moment of cloud nine, the nurse presented my baby for a moment. For me, the first vision of mine to him appeared faint as I was in the frenzy of the surgical unit. Just one minute and my baby is gone. I had to wait one day and night to see, touch and sense him. The day began crawling and I was counting the hours and persistently asking the nurse to show the baby. They did it twice for a few minutes and he was taken away from me. I was desperately waiting for the dawn of the next day. To my utter dismay, I was discharged from the ICU only by noon after the doctor’s checkup, nurse’s advice, and kinds of stuff. And finally, I was shifted to the room. The moment I reached, I could see only my parents. My eyes shifted to the beds. I could see a sleeping bag on the right side bed where our new wonder is sleeping peacefully as if in my tummy. Our rarest of the rare emotional and physical connections in the form of the umbilical cord: a bit of it is still with him. The agony and pangs of the C- section has vanished just by a glimpse of the little marvel. Here begins a fresh chapter of my life with my cutie pie!

The year 2020 has ebbed away into bosom eternity giving way for a resplendent New Year 2021. COVID -19 has literally toppled everyone’s lives. All of us were yearning to get rid of the impact it created on our subsistence thereby transforming 2020 into a futile year. When I look back at 2020 now, I have something to cheer and cherish. The lethargic days of lockdown impelled me to dwell deep in the wisdom of words. I began weaving words in my creative landscape. All things subtle and striking enthralled me. While I was creating life to my words and stanzas, I was sensing the euphoria of creation within me. I was heavily pregnant with my first baby and going through the whirlwind of agony and ecstasy, exhaustion and exhilaration and whatnot. But by the time you read my story, I am baby Anvik’s mom.

From a butterfly’s flutter, I felt the fresh breath of Anvik Sujeeth. Sujeeth and I have become parents! From my womb, the spring of our life, Anvik baby has come to the world. It’s time to celebrate his arrival. Hurrah! Thank you, my Kunjapp for making my lockdown days creative and active by your tiny exquisite moments of enormous joy. Thanks a lot for all your embryonic surprises, my little wonder. A hearty welcome to our epic weirdo life. Loads of inspiring and irritating days are in store for you, our little munchkin.

Anvik, our cute little wonder boy,

marked his arrival with immense joy.

In my warmth and shade, he sleeps

In my sudden absence, he loudly weeps.

Often wet is his diaper

that makes him hyper.

He delights me with his cherubic smile

making me oblivious of life’s tiring mile.

His serene charm captures me

And in all my thoughts, there’s he.

He fills my heart with too much pleasure,

He’s the darling divine design I treasure.

Your lovely gestures thrill mom and dad

You are the rhythm of our life, my little lad.

Your boyish pranks enthrall everyone

You just make us all gleeful, my little one.

Hearty congrats, cutie pie on your arrival

All our happiness and heartiness on your revival!

Anvik, my raison d’etre 2.0 has transformed my life into a new empire. Mewling and puking in my arms, I feel his serene charm and sense his innocent gestures. His angelic smile makes me blissful, his charismatic vegetative sounds make me delightful. He has bestowed a new world of happiness and happenings to me. He makes me go ahead with spectacular expectations of a better tomorrow. My horizon of hope is embellished by his hearty arrival. I can’t think of a day untouched by his touch and twitter. Yearning for the umpteen alluring days with my cutie pie!! The august presence of the spring of my life continues to remain afresh in story of my life: “This story is for you – with all my heart -.by your ever-loving Amma Kutty!” Hope you read my story someday far, someday near, my darling Anvik baby.