She was excitedly overjoyed, like any other girl would be when she is about to get married. Sid was perfect husband material. He was decent looking, had a well paying job like hers, and had promised her the world of happiness. She was happy no doubt, but not for too long. After two year of their marriage, he gradually was transforming into a different personality. He was hardly a participant in any household chores or activities as a normal spouse. They had started leading a monotonous mechanical life with no spark left between them. She wanted to correct things between them by having an open dialogue or seeking the help of a counselor. When she nagged about it, he became defensive and stonewalled by refusing to engage in communication over what his wife viewed as a problem in their marriage. She started nagging more and more with each passing day and became angrier and more frustrated.

With the stress of dealing with a stonewalled husband along with the added pressures of her workplace, she unknowingly found a good sympathetic friend in one of her colleagues, who gave her all the significant emotional and moral support that Sid and her family wasn’t able to provide. One thing led to another and soon, they both became more than work friends. They had developed a deeper undefined relationship. She was still Sid’s lawfully wedded wife, but was she still really in love with him? She herself didn’t know the answer to this question. She justified her confidential relationship with her colleague by calling it a cushioning effect. And that night for the first time, she went to see him at his house. Once there, she  realised she wasn’t ready to establish a physical relationship with him yet, and when he tried talking her into it, she shoved him away and left. She was not ready to trade her integrity and not having the feeling of dignity.

She hurriedly crossed the muddy slippery road in the dense darkness of the night. She dared not to look behind her and kept pacing forward. Her tears were washed away with the faint raindrops that were still falling sporadically from the skies above. She felt the guilt of betraying Sid and all the more betraying herself. But this feeling of betrayal somehow brought her an awakening. Now she knew the answer to her question. She decided to save her mental sanctity along with her marriage. She succeeded in convincing Sid to see a therapist, and after months of sessions, she saw a ray of hope as an improvement in his behavior. She saved herself from the guilt of betraying her husband and chose not to betray her peace of mind.

✍️©️Vandana Oke

29/08/2020