Next week we continued our discussion on becoming happy in life. We can’t be happy when we are upset. Perception, memory and images can make us upset. We decided to explore further – what is in it that causes us to be upset? Can we take some personal examples?
“I am already 20, but my mother still treats me like a child, not allowing me to even travel alone.”
“I have opposite issue. My son is already 20 but still he expects me to do everything for him”
Each side had a point but each one also had a reason to be upset.
“I have something personal”. It was common in our meeting to share personal matters. We had a rule – what is discussed in the meeting remains in the meeting. In any case no one was interested in personal aspects of anyone. It is the learning that is important.
“We are married only for two years. My wife used to love me a lot. But since our child is born, she seems to have become indifferent to me. Has her love for me reduced?”
“My son was caring for me a lot. But after his marriage few weeks ago, he does not have time for me.” Expressed a mother.
“Me and my friend used to meet every week. But since he has got a new job few months ago, he does not have time to meet me. How selfish people can be?”
There seemed a pattern in these experiences. Situations had changed in each case and perhaps the appreciation of the change was not adequate. Discussion followed. The gist of the same is as follows:
Life evolves – moves from one state to another – continuously. It could be about people, situations, relations. It could be about our understanding, our beliefs, our comprehension. In all aspects new replaces old. It is important to understand that whatever evolves, no longer remains the same and requires first acceptance of the new situation and then appropriate response.
Our own life could be a good case in point. As infants, we were completely dependent on our parents for food, shelter and protection from danger. Little by little we learnt how to walk, to speak and communicate our needs. By imitating elders, we became self-sufficient, and gained more independence. We learnt more things about the world and started forming our own views. The same I, who would accept my father’s view without any hesitation, started seeing lacuna in the same views. It is said that often the pendulum moves exactly opposite – rightly or wrongly – from ‘mother knows everything’ to ‘mother knows nothing’.
Evolution is bound to take place. What we have in our hand is to appreciate and adjust our approaches accordingly. If we fail to do it, we may try, but we can in no way turn the clock back and go back to the earlier stage.
This way we learned the first of the twelve Principles – “To go against evolution of things is to go against oneself”
New comprehension and a step ahead in the direction of becoming better human being.