We were back from our first overnight retreat. It was a great experience and of course some of the most valuable learning. The Experience of Peace, the technique of complete breathing and the power of breathing and posture on changing mental state.
For my college I had to write an article. I was postponing it all the times and could not get myself to sit and get on with it. I used the newly learned technique. Sat with the correct posture and did the complete breathing for few times. After a while my mood began to change, and I could start writing what I avoided all these times. What a simple and wonderful mechanism to influence our moods!!
I started thinking. All along not only me but I have seen people around me, struggling with bad moods and negative mental states. Pained and frustrated we lose hours and hours in disturbed state. I have been cursing myself for being lazy and what not and have tried to push myself to do things but in vain. In every case, I wanted to change my mood but couldn’t. I proposed that as a topic for discussion in our next weekly meeting.
“You will make your conflicts disappear when you understand them in the ir ultimate root, not when you want to resolve them”
This is one of the twelve principles of Valid Actions. Does it mean in my above case, the issue is not my laziness but the functioning of psycho-physical mechanism? We need more examples.
Rita shared her own situation. “My husband is bitter. I try different tactics to make him happy. For some time, the issue seems to be resolved, but soon it resurfaces.”
Sundar shared his experience “At work, my boss is angry with me all the time. He gives me more and more work and then keeps finding fault with whatever I do.”
In both these situations, personally they were not happy. Rita loved her husband and wanted to see him happy. Sundar loved his work and wanted to see his boss happy. Both of them had tried all the things to the best of their knowledge to solve the problems. But of no avail. This kept them disturbed all the time. They were struggling to come out. In fact, Rita tried courses on meditation, on positive thinking, and even tried to fix the vastu. Nothing worked.
In both the situations, what was described was the manifestation. What they have been trying to resolve is what appeared on the surface. What if they try to understand the root of the situations? Of course, it is not easily visible and it requires effort to understand and openness to learn.
As it happened Rita tried to go to the root. Spending some quite time together, and opening soft communication with love, she learnt that her husband had suffered a big loss in the business for no fault of his. There was a devastating fire at the place of a big customer who owed them a lot of money and now the chances of recovering the money are very glim. There was huge debt on his head and he is worried that they may have to sell their house as well to pay the debt.
Now that she learnt about the real anxiety of her husband, first thing she realized that there is nothing wrong with her and there is nothing wrong in their relationship. That itself was a great relief. The next thing she realized that though there was a loss, there is very little her husband could have done to prevent it. It was not his fault. The burden of huge debt was shattering and her husband at this stage needed support. When she told him that there was no problem if they have to sell off the house, that they can live in rented house, that she was with him, and finally, she was sure with his dedication and hard work, they will recover again. These words itself gave him renewed vigor to fight with the situation. And of course, their relations reached a new height of proximity and mutual support.
On some investigations, Sundar found that his boss was involved in some underhand dealings. He was worried that Sundar may come to know about it and knowing Sundar’s straight forward nature, he was afraid that he may speak it out.
When Sundar learnt about the corrupt practice of his boss, it became clear that the boss wanted to harass him so that he leaves the job and the boss’s fear of exposure is reduced. Sundar knew that the boss was very powerful in the firm and he can’t do anything against him. He found it wiser to leave the job and take up another one free from this conflict.
Once both Rita and Sundar understood the roots, they realized that whatever they have been trying so far would have never addressed the roots. They were struggling with the manifestations whereas the roots were altogether different. Now that they knew the roots, there was better clarity and they were better equipped to address the conflict.
Learn to look at the roots and not struggle with the manifestations. A great learning on my journey to become better person.