In the last meeting we discussed about the importance of having a significant self-less project in life. It would make our past, present and future bright. But what happens if we do not have any such project in life? We continued the discussion in our next meeting.

“To begin with, you search for what you lack or believe you lack.”

If I am hungry, I will search for food. That is understandable. But does it stop there? If I believe I lack acceptance from people, will it not lead me to search for acceptance. If I believe I lack security, will it not lead me to search for security.

“That is the mechanism for compensation.”

Search for food is compensation for the hunger. If there was no hunger perhaps that search for food would not have been there. As I think on, I get more and more overwhelmed with the importance of this statement.  Does it mean all my life is just a search and compensation?

As I looked back, in my younger days I studied. Perhaps to get acceptance of people around. As I grew, I studied further. Perhaps to get a job that will grant me security and further acceptance. I worked hard to earn more money. Perhaps to buy objects of status that would announce that I have arrived and in turn earn me more acceptance. Even when I am doing charity, is that hope for acceptance hanging around?

If I felt insecure, did I look out for everything that will make me feel more secure. Is my urge to earn more and more money driven by this sense of insecurity?

Does it mean all along my life I have been living only to compensate for what I believed I lack, and will it continue to be so in the future? Only this narrow selfish project in my life?

“In the process, perhaps you end up using other people as objects for your desire.”

It sounds so vulgar. Using people around me for my selfish purpose in my pursuit of getting what I believe I lack. How have I related with my mother? As one to provide me for my needs or as an individual with own life and feelings. How have I related with my friends? As someone to be around when I need them or those with own life and feelings. If they had different feelings would I have retained them as friends at all? Do I care for people only as long as they are useful to me?

All these questions were quite unsettling.

Running to compensate for what I lack. In that selfish process relate with others only to the extent they are useful to me. Why do I feel so ashamed about it? Is it because it is exactly opposite of what I would have loved for myself? Is this then called life of contradictions?

“Contradiction inverts life. The inversion of the growing stream of life is experienced as suffering. Thus, suffering is the signal that warns us of the need to change the direction of the opposing forces.”

“If you want to build a new life, free of contradictions, a life that increasingly overcomes suffering, you must be aware of two false arguments. The first holds that “I need to solve my personal problems before I can undertake any constructive action in the world.” The second leads you to declare “I am committed to the world!” while forgetting yourself completely.

“You may agree with me or not, but in any case, I will affirm that this is the only way forward: If you want to grow, you will help those around you to grow.”

Mind blowing. I comprehend how I have been living so far. I can imagine how will be my life if I do not make any change now. With this realisation I leap ahead in my journey of becoming better person.

Continue reading more about Journey to becoming better human being part- 22